an awesome halloween idea

from xkcd

Humor rating: 4

how to tell if you're adopted

just a checklist.  from the onion.

How To Tell If You Were Adopted

Hey, Kids!
Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether "Mom" and "Dad" are really your actual parents. Here are some things to look out for that mean you were adopted:

• You're not allowed to get a trampoline.
   
• Other family members enjoy foods that taste "yucky" to you.
• You're made to sleep in your own private room, sequestered from the rest of the family.
• Mom and Dad find occasions once or twice a year to shower you with gifts, so you won't feel so bad about being abandoned by your real parents.
• You don't remember your parents bringing you home from the hospital when you were born.
• Your parents call each other by names other than "Mommy" and "Daddy" to conceal their true identity.
• Your parents don't let you go out at night, when your real parents might try to steal you back.
• Only adopted, or "rejected," children have to brush their teeth.
• You don't have the same eye and hair color as your parents, and you're not the same height.
• Your parents sometimes go into their room and shut the door—this is to talk about whether the adoption was such a good idea.
• Your parents are not as nice to you as your friends' parents are to them.
• Your brother or sister has a nicer bicycle than you.
• You're not allowed to get a puppy, because the puppy could tell by scent.
• Once a week, Mom and Dad go to church, where they pray for a real child.

* Remember! If it turns out you were adopted, do not misbehave in any way or your parents will sell you to the gypsies.



Humor rating: 2

a happy halloween.

Humor Rating: 3

from Cakewrecks

A Strange Santa Cake

I'm not going to include a picture here, because the commentary on cakewrecks adds to the majesty of it. ... ok fine, i'll post a teaser picture, but, really, it's amazing on CW. so, scroll down to the santa one. enjoy the other ones too, but that one is the true gem.




Link: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/12/seasonal-non-sequiturs.html


Humor Rating: 5. I had my head down on my desk, laughing.

A Creative Cat.

So this cat is trying to drink water from the tap, but it's going too fast or something, so cat must come up with a different solution - an ADORABLE solution!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KswnjMa-MQ

Humor Rating: 3

The Idaho State Assembly Having Too Much Time On Its Hands.

Back in 2005, the Idaho state assembly passed an official resolution commending the creators of the film "Napoleon Dynamite." It breaks down specific plot points and explains how they benefit Idaho's character, including:

• "WHEREAS, Napoleon's artistic rendering of Trisha is an example of the importance of visual arts in K-12 education"
• "WHEREAS, Rico and Kip's Tupperware sales and Deb's keychains and glamour shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho's small towns"

And concludes with: "WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!"

Full text here: http://www.snopes.com/movies/films/dynamite.asp

Humor Rating: 2

An Unclear Job Position.

I have NO IDEA what this job actually is. I mean, I know it's a time of high unemployment and increasing desperation among those looking for jobs, but, um... who would apply to this? What would the cover letter say?
"To Whom It May Concern: I am very interested in the position you advertised on craigslist. I have several years of experience as a gypsy, traveling Eastern Europe and robbing passing caravans, but your company offers me an excellent opportunity to use my skills in a corporate setting for the benefit of society."
???????


Humor Rating: 3

from Avoid this Job

Death, Literally.

Apparently Kristen Stewart is no more. She says of filming New Moon:

"People don't just break up [in the films] – they break up and it literally kills you. It's not like you just say, 'Oh, I'm really depressed and crying.' I always had a really hard time figuring out, 'Am I doing enough? Do I look like I'm going to die?' ".... "Yeah, it killed me. It killed me."

RIP, Kristen.

Humor Rating: 2

Drunken Antics

This person sounds like one of the most fun drunks ever:

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

Not FML, poster, but epic win!

Humor Rating: 3

a great gift idea.

That's what she said.


Humor Rating: 3

From Curious Signs

Sarah Palin's Poor Writing Skills.

Vanity Fair took a look at Sarah Palin's resignation speech and had three of its editors turn it into publishable work. I am pretty sure they cut out at least half the speech.
My favorite parts include:

• Where she referred to someone as a part of Abraham Lincoln's cabinet, when he was really on Andrew Johnson's cabinet.
• Where she says "over 2 million" taxpayer dollars were wasted and the research editor changed it to "nearly $200,000."
• Where they circled sections and wrote "misleading" and "vague."

Read the full edited article here: http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2009/07/palin-speech-edit-200907?currentPage=1

Oh, Sarah Palin. You should probably not hold public office ever again. Please?


Humor Level: 3

Weird Jobs.

References?
Also, what?

Read comments here, because they add to the hilarity: http://www.avoidthisjob.com/posts/2009/07/put-them-all-in-one-basket.html#more


Humor Rating: 4

From Avoid This Job

False Advertising.

Not in the news industry, though.

Humor Rating: 2

Possibly The Worst Slogan Ever.

They're mavericks in the restaurant industry!

Humor Rating: 2


From http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

Amazon Search Suggestions.

Books › "jess and the runaway grandpa"

Did you mean: jesus and the runaway grandpa?

Well, no, I didn't mean that, Amazon, but does that exist? Because that sounds like an AWESOME book.

Humor Level: 1