Awkward Phone Calls.

(+44): why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

I wouldn't call hir back if I were you...

Humor Rating: 3


from Texts From Last Night

Confusion.

toryfrank: LMAO! I can’t even fit a banana in my mouth, let alone a watermelon!

Ummmm....?

Humor Rating: 4

from You Actually Said That Online

People Wasting Wishes.

CliffingtonFalls: if god came down and said to me “i will grant you one wish” my wish would be that i could rate this video a 6

Really? That's what you would use your wish for?

Humor Rating: 2

Michael Jackson's Death Becoming a Very Serious Issue.

In Miami, a fight broke out on a bus that included one man chasing another with a knife. The reason? One man, upon reading of Michael Jackson's death via text message, said, "The world just lost a great musical talent." Apparently knifing is the way to deal with differences of opinion in the city where the heat is on.

MIAMI (Reuters) - A fight broke out on a Florida bus when news of Michael Jackson's death sparked debate over whether he should be remembered as a great musical talent, and one passenger was charged with assault, police said on Friday.

The bus was moving through the city of North Lauderdale on Thursday when passenger James Kiernan received a text message about Jackson's death on his cell phone, and he read it aloud on the bus, the Broward County Sheriff's Department said.

The unidentified bus driver opined that "Michael Jackson should have been in jail long ago," prompting Kiernan, 60, to retort that "the world just lost a great musical talent," the police report said.

It said the last remark enraged another passenger, Henry Wideman, who started a swearing match with Kiernan, then pulled out a knife and chased Kiernan down the aisle with it.

The driver called his dispatcher and pulled over near a convenience store to wait for sheriff's deputies, who arrested Wideman, 54. He remained in jail on Friday on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Humor Rating: 2

Mockery of Unpaid Internships.

Sad, but true: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/07/20/104-unpaid-internships/

Some highlights:
- "In most of the world when a person works long hours without pay, it is referred to as “slavery” or “forced labor.” For white people this process is referred to as an internship."
- "In fact, the only way to get the white person to choose the plumbing option would be to convince them that it was leading towards an end-of-summer pipe art installation."
- "If all goes according to plan, an internship will end with an offer of a job that pays $24,000 per year and will consist entirely of the same tasks they were recently doing for free."

Humor Rating: 3

Ridiculous Look-Alikes

"Harriet Tubman Totally Looks Like ET"



Hahahahahahha it's true!!

Humor Level: 4


http://totallylookslike.com/2009/06/03/harriet-tubman-totally-looks-like-e-t/

Learning from TV.

Fact.


Humor Level: 2

Michael Bay Kind Of Disgracing His Wesleyan Education.

Apparently, Michael Bay is not happy with the marketing campaign for Transformers 2. I know I'm more of a grammarian than most, but he must have been VERY angry when he wrote this email to the heads of Paramount. So angry that his mind didn't have the capacity left to distinguish between "could've" and "could of."

Some other very angry remarks:
"I have been waiting, and waiting for the 'anticipation' of an 'event movie' to make it to the 'public zeitgeist.'"

"I'm sorry but I've never been one to rely on focus groups, you can feel in your gut the presence of a big movie coming."

"We were not on the cover in the form of a name."

"On the foreign front, from the terrible amateur cut down trailer I received which had a 23 frame flash cut of Megatron, if someone would of given me just one call, I could of told them the whole point of the trailer was the reintroducton of Megatron."


Full email here:
http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_documents/0619_michael_bay_tmz_wm.pdf

Humor Rating: 2

A New Singer.

From a facebook quiz:

Danielle took the What's the theme song of your life? quiz and got the result: "Lovestoned" by Justin Timberland.


Justin Timberland? Is he new? Maybe it's a band that's a combination of Justin Timberlake and Timbaland!! Awesome!!

Humor Rating: 2

forgetting cliches.

Nick: you know what happens when you assume.
Danielle: what happens, nick?
Nick: um... I forget the second line... You make an ass out of yourself!


Humor Level: 3

Username Fail.

SnowLeopard: Hey gamerz, you gaytoolls have no life u jst sit online drooling gross and playing ur games and getting fat eating cheetos shitting yourselfs its pathetic get a life and a girlfriend and ssex like the the rest of us 4 reel lmao
Nutbag: ummm. u just created a username at 4 AM to come on to a World of Warcraft message brd and talk sh*t & the best name you could think of to do that sh*t talking was SnowLeopard?

Humor Rating: 4

from You Actually Said That Online

Inappropriate Combinations.

Alt-Text: Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier. Winner: pregnancy test and single coat hanger.


Humor Rating: 5, definitely. The alt-text edges it towards 6, even.


from xkcd

A DVD Switcheroo

A group of 1st and 5th graders in Brooklyn were gathered to watch Camp Rock, but another DVD was already in the machine...

"The kindergartners, first-graders and fifth-graders were exposed to a topless woman and sex acts in the 45 seconds the obscene clip played on the jumbo screen."
Wow, porn moves fast these days. 45 seconds and there were already sex acts, plural?

Also, a comment from ANGRYPS17PARENT on the article: "This is also definitely a "major issue", worth "manpower and resources" Children + this kind of material = pedophile until proven otherwise." Ummm...

http://www.nypost.com/seven/06142009/news/regionalnews/brooklyn/oops__kids_see_sex_ed_174172.htm

Humor Rating: 2

The Hangover.

For reals. See that shit.


Baby with sunglasses = heart
"Haven't you ever seen Rain Man? He almost put a casino out of business, and he was a retard."


Also, Bradley Cooper, I have been in love with you since Alias. xoxoAlso ++ points for the gay chinese man.

Humor Rating: 5. This movie was hilars.

Incorrect Grammar.

Talk about someone wanting it all.

Humor Rating: 3

Poor Copying Ability.

Someone asked for a cake that looked like this:


The bakery delivered a cake that looked like this:


Hahahhahaha. Why would they actually deliver that??? Did they think it looked good? Did the baker say, "One of my master works. I totally nailed that." I especially like the 6-clawed paw coming out of the wildcat's butt.

Humor Rating: 4


--images from cakewrecks

The Imminent Possibility of Zombies.

Found a new site via Thrillist called You Actually Said That Online. It picks out the best/most ridiculous posts from comment boards. This one is my favorite so far:

GoldDude: If you’d dug a proper grave (a minimum of 3 feet deep), then the corpse wouldn’t be disturbed by planting tomatoes.


I kind of want to know the context... but I kind of don't....


Humor Rating: 2

A Craigslist Tutoring Ad.

"Expert tutoring Math,scieneces,Electrical engineering and Computers
I have Masters in Elctrical engineering...
advanced computer tranining...
I do offer 1 hour of trail instruction at no charge...."

I guess you're ok as long as you don't need help with spelling.
Though maybe he's also good at hiking, hence the trail instruction.

Humor Level: 1

My Mother Lacking Tact.

My sister's Sweet 16 is coming up and she is choosing songs to play when she lights candles for important people. She sent me this message today, re: my mother's input.

mom was like "i think you should you 'wish you were here' for the dead people" and i was like "that's awful"

Humor Rating: 4

The Evil Eye Baby

An oldie but a goodie, the evil eye baby still makes me laugh. I like how he keeps doing it and then laughing. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBSYD0dQCAw

Humor Rating: 3, because it gets boring after too many repeated viewings...

A Watermelon (?) Cake.

How did they think this was ready to sell?

Humor level: 4

from cakewrecks.com

Food Kiosks Selling...

There is a food kiosk in Paramus Mall that sells corn in a cup. Fact. It is an ice cream sized cup. Filled with corn.

Humor level: 1, because, what?

An '80s Reference Graph.

Humor Rating: 2, because I giggled but now have the song in my head.

A Bungled Police Investigation

This will also always be hilarious.

Humor Rating: 5

A Hilarious Typo

Humor Rating: 5, because it will be amazing no matter how many times I see it.

Bret Michaels Getting Flattened

This reminds me of the giant crusher things in Super Mario. Bret Michaels just lost a life.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2009/06/watch_brett_michaels_clobbered.html

Humor rating: 5 (I watched it at least 3 times and I don't even have sound on my computer.)