a new sect.

So many problems here, but my favorite is his religion.  I definitely want to convert to Ramen Catholicism.  Maybe their eucharist is made of ramen instead of carboardy bread.  mmmm.

Humor rating: 3

two special people.

Two quotes.
First, from my boss, who is more or less a real-life michael scott in terms of tact.  In regards to the child of one of our factory workers:

He looks like the Dominican version of the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man.

Second, my co-worker's father had an emergency at home:

i got a vm from dad: call me as soon as you can
"i had a cereal bowl out this morning.  do you know where it is? did you take it?"
SERIOUSLY???
yes, dad, i took your cereal bowl and hid it somewhere you'd never find it
wtf?

Humor rating: 4

a new blockbuster sequel.

Actors and cast needed for Titanic 2: Mermaid Saviors

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Date: 2010-06-07, 12:18PM EDT
Reply to: gigs-ty2g9-1779585062@craigslist.org ^{[Errors when replying to ads?]}

---

Megamonolith Pictures is holding an open casting call for TITANIC 2: MERMAID SAVIORS, a sequel to the Academy Award-winning 1997 blockbuster TITANIC, on July 1st and 2nd. The film begins moments after the sinking of the Titanic. All who have drowned are brought back to life by a futuristic race of mermaids, called the Mantocks, who welcome the humans to their underwater paradise. Soon after, JACK DAWSON is elected king of the underwater humans. DAWSON requests that all humans be returned above water, a request that is denied by KING MANTROCK. The humans are slowly brainwashed into worshiping their mermaid saviors. Meanwhile, the sunken TITANIC has become a haunted underwater wasteland inhabited by RAGGARO and his band of mermaid pirates. Will the humans ever free themselves from their mermaid slavery? Will the mermaid pirates wage war on Mantock?

All actors seeking consideration must reply to this post with:

1.) A headshot
2.) A few short paragraphs pn why they're qualified for MERMAID SAVIORS.

Actors with mermaid and under water acting experience are highly desirable. 

I have no words.  No words.  Except that this gets extra points for the line "Actors with mermaid and under water acting experience are highly desirable."

Humor rating: 4

an iconic prom date.

i don't know whether this is ridiculous or if i feel bad for the girl.  her date's not gonna be much of a talker or a dancer, i don't think.

Humor Rating: 3

the worst cologne in the world

So, you've been looking for a new cologne?  Look no further than the new release in Germany: Vulva.  It's engineered to smell just like "a combination of urine, sweat, and female arousal."  Nom nom.

Watch their advertisement and order some vag juice of your own for the low price of 24.90 Euro at http://www.smellmeand.com/en/


Humor rating: 3

a series of celebrations

Well, it's gotta be one of those.

Humor Rating: 3

http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2010/03/my-somebodys-been-busy.html

Counterfeit Desperation

We'll get those damned Americans to buy our products somehow!!


Humor rating: 2



http://9gag.com/gag/19197/

Jesus's Protection.

From http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/02/10/texas.marijuana.jesus/index.html

30 pounds of pot found inside pictures of Jesus

 "What some might find offensive or sacrilegious has unfortunately become a standard operating procedure for drug smugglers. This would include using religious symbols, children and senior citizens in their attempts to defeat the CBP inspection process."

Aw man, pictures of Jesus and/or children's bodies are my favorite drug mules!


Humor rating: 2

a lazy pigeon

I guess he was tired of flying.



Humor Rating: 2

the heavy emotions of a 3 year old.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI

this girl is crying hysterically because she loves justin bieber so much, and she knows he loves her back.  she has so many complex emotions for a toddler.


humor rating: 3

a product that should not ever exist.

ladies, are you losing your "freshness" down there?  your color freshness?  good news!  you can now purchase "My New Pink Button" - a temporary dye for your genitals to restore their pinkness!  It comes in four different shades: Marilyn, Bettie, Ginger, and Audry.  my personal favorite description is for "Bettie":

Think of that favorite lipstick you wear for those dressy black tie affairs and think "Bettie". This shade blends with a woman's own skin tones to bring out that "sexy hot pink, I am fired up, look". Go dancing this weekend and remember to bring "Bettie" along!

head on over to www.mynewpinkbutton.com for more info!!

Humor rating: 5

american apparel, though is that a surprise?

Really, American Apparel?  Really?

Humor rating: 3

the seriousness of farmville.

Humor rating: 4

a better charity, i swear!

Humor rating: 4

a killer pun.

Humor rating: 4