a good observation.

good job, melissa.

Humor Rating: 3

a baby's first!

 Awww!  Baby's first crayons!  Baby's first trip to the ER!  What a memorable day!

Humor Rating: 2

also something that disturbs me greatly.

i do not understand.

Humor rating: 3

something tanisha should have thought about.

+1 because aaron's party was the party of the month- no, the party of the year.


humor rating: 2

"who's on first" for the new generation.

 oh honey.  you'll understand some day.

humor rating: 1

a factual graphic.

Just in case you didn't know.

Humor rating: 1

sarah palin. again.

There have been so many lies and distortions pointed out in Sarah Palin's Going Rogue since it was released last week that her memoir has already become something of a gag line.
But perhaps the most embarrassing gaffe so far is her mis-attributed quote to UCLA basketball legend John Wooden.
As the epigram to Chapter Three, "Drill, Baby, Drill," Palin assigns the following remarks to the Hall of Fame hoops coach:

Our land is everything to us... I will tell you one of the things we remember on our land. We remember our grandfathers paid for it--with their lives.

Only the quote wasn't by John Wooden. It was written by a Native American activist named John Wooden Legs in an essay entitled "Back on the War Ponies," which appeared in a left-wing anthology, We Are the People: Voices from the Other Side of American History, edited by Nathaniel May, Clint Willis, and James W. Loewen.
Here's the full quote:

Our land is everything to us. It is the only place in the world where Cheyennes talk the Cheyenne language to each other. It is the only place where Cheyennes remember the same things together. I will tell you one of the things we remember on our land. We remember our grandfathers paid for it--with their life. My people and the Sioux defeated General Custer at the Little Big Horn.

Oops! That's not quite the sentiment that Sister Sarah was trying to convey as she guzzled down sugar-free Red Bull and cranked up Toby Keith's "How Do You Like Me Now?" while jumping on her patriotic high horse at the opening of the third chapter.

Oh Sarah.  Really.  You wanted to be vice president.  That's adorable.


Humor Rating: 3

the intricacies of language

Yeah, DUH Neil.

Humor rating: 2

flippin' high school.

no, literally.

Flippin High School is located in Flippin, Arkansas.  Home to the Flippin Bobcats, this high school is flippin' sweet.  Their website includes the flippin high school mission statement, a list of the flippin faculty, and a link to the whole flippin school district.

i see no end to the humor.  i wish i went to this school.

Humor Rating: 4

some great winter fashion.

looking for a fabulous way to keep warm this winter?  head on over to www.furhatworld.com and take advantage of their sale!

ladies: going out for a night on the town?  grab one of these at a great price of $199.95 -- 33% off!

men: if you want to make a statement and keep warm, here's two great options:

for those who have been called "two-faced," this will give you the last laugh for only $189.95!

or if you're just looking to stay warm while still making a statement, this is a great buy at $169.95

great, great buys.  go stock up for winter!!


Humor rating: 3

a great deal!

i am unsure as to who this deal is catering.  perhaps just families who need both a new mattress and a new video camera.  that would be one way to read it.

Humor rating: 4

you keep using that word. i do not think you know what it means.

It's always important to be honest.

Humor rating: 4

(don't worry!  nothing is cut off!)

your face.

Because it's ugly.

We have a super special beautiful camera, so that awful picture is really just because your face sucks.

Humor Rating: 3

irony.

Humor rating: 2

an interesting epitaph.

I kind of wonder how her grandfather died.  Maybe it was a David Carradine-type situation.


Humor rating: 4

a drunken decision.

Once you're already drunk, there is nothing you won't do for more drinks.

(856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

Humor Rating: 2

a major guilt trip.

Wow, talk about not even being subtle.

At least she enclosed a $5 check.

Humor rating: 3

a women's problem.

Thank GOD for the Kush support, lemme tell you.  Who wants their breasts touching each other?  Why would you wear a bra to bed when you can get a flesh-colored tube to stick in between your boobs?








Humor Rating: 3

Pam's Halloween costume

This wasn't in the episode, but I found it on the NBC website.  She's dressed as Rosemary from Rosemary's Baby.  Pam, you're awesome.

http://www.nbc.com/The_Office/photos/gallery#item=93211

Humor Rating: 3

the best new girl group

subtle sexuality is my new favorite band.

Humor Rating: 5

Video Recaps | Full Episodes | Webisodes

an awesome halloween idea

from xkcd

Humor rating: 4

how to tell if you're adopted

just a checklist.  from the onion.

How To Tell If You Were Adopted

Hey, Kids!
Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether "Mom" and "Dad" are really your actual parents. Here are some things to look out for that mean you were adopted:

• You're not allowed to get a trampoline.
   
• Other family members enjoy foods that taste "yucky" to you.
• You're made to sleep in your own private room, sequestered from the rest of the family.
• Mom and Dad find occasions once or twice a year to shower you with gifts, so you won't feel so bad about being abandoned by your real parents.
• You don't remember your parents bringing you home from the hospital when you were born.
• Your parents call each other by names other than "Mommy" and "Daddy" to conceal their true identity.
• Your parents don't let you go out at night, when your real parents might try to steal you back.
• Only adopted, or "rejected," children have to brush their teeth.
• You don't have the same eye and hair color as your parents, and you're not the same height.
• Your parents sometimes go into their room and shut the door—this is to talk about whether the adoption was such a good idea.
• Your parents are not as nice to you as your friends' parents are to them.
• Your brother or sister has a nicer bicycle than you.
• You're not allowed to get a puppy, because the puppy could tell by scent.
• Once a week, Mom and Dad go to church, where they pray for a real child.

* Remember! If it turns out you were adopted, do not misbehave in any way or your parents will sell you to the gypsies.



Humor rating: 2

a happy halloween.

Humor Rating: 3

from Cakewrecks

A Strange Santa Cake

I'm not going to include a picture here, because the commentary on cakewrecks adds to the majesty of it. ... ok fine, i'll post a teaser picture, but, really, it's amazing on CW. so, scroll down to the santa one. enjoy the other ones too, but that one is the true gem.




Link: http://cakewrecks.blogspot.com/2008/12/seasonal-non-sequiturs.html


Humor Rating: 5. I had my head down on my desk, laughing.

A Creative Cat.

So this cat is trying to drink water from the tap, but it's going too fast or something, so cat must come up with a different solution - an ADORABLE solution!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8KswnjMa-MQ

Humor Rating: 3

The Idaho State Assembly Having Too Much Time On Its Hands.

Back in 2005, the Idaho state assembly passed an official resolution commending the creators of the film "Napoleon Dynamite." It breaks down specific plot points and explains how they benefit Idaho's character, including:

• "WHEREAS, Napoleon's artistic rendering of Trisha is an example of the importance of visual arts in K-12 education"
• "WHEREAS, Rico and Kip's Tupperware sales and Deb's keychains and glamour shots promote entrepreneurism and self-sufficiency in Idaho's small towns"

And concludes with: "WHEREAS, any members of the House of Representatives or the Senate of the Legislature of the State of Idaho who choose to vote "Nay" on this concurrent resolution are "FREAKIN' IDIOTS!" and run the risk of having the "Worst Day of Their Lives!"

Full text here: http://www.snopes.com/movies/films/dynamite.asp

Humor Rating: 2

An Unclear Job Position.

I have NO IDEA what this job actually is. I mean, I know it's a time of high unemployment and increasing desperation among those looking for jobs, but, um... who would apply to this? What would the cover letter say?
"To Whom It May Concern: I am very interested in the position you advertised on craigslist. I have several years of experience as a gypsy, traveling Eastern Europe and robbing passing caravans, but your company offers me an excellent opportunity to use my skills in a corporate setting for the benefit of society."
???????


Humor Rating: 3

from Avoid this Job

Death, Literally.

Apparently Kristen Stewart is no more. She says of filming New Moon:

"People don't just break up [in the films] – they break up and it literally kills you. It's not like you just say, 'Oh, I'm really depressed and crying.' I always had a really hard time figuring out, 'Am I doing enough? Do I look like I'm going to die?' ".... "Yeah, it killed me. It killed me."

RIP, Kristen.

Humor Rating: 2

Drunken Antics

This person sounds like one of the most fun drunks ever:

Today, I saw a video of me last night, hammered, climbing my wardrobe screaming "I WANT TO GO TO NARNIA" naked. FML

Not FML, poster, but epic win!

Humor Rating: 3

a great gift idea.

That's what she said.


Humor Rating: 3

From Curious Signs

Sarah Palin's Poor Writing Skills.

Vanity Fair took a look at Sarah Palin's resignation speech and had three of its editors turn it into publishable work. I am pretty sure they cut out at least half the speech.
My favorite parts include:

• Where she referred to someone as a part of Abraham Lincoln's cabinet, when he was really on Andrew Johnson's cabinet.
• Where she says "over 2 million" taxpayer dollars were wasted and the research editor changed it to "nearly $200,000."
• Where they circled sections and wrote "misleading" and "vague."

Read the full edited article here: http://www.vanityfair.com/politics/features/2009/07/palin-speech-edit-200907?currentPage=1

Oh, Sarah Palin. You should probably not hold public office ever again. Please?


Humor Level: 3

Weird Jobs.

References?
Also, what?

Read comments here, because they add to the hilarity: http://www.avoidthisjob.com/posts/2009/07/put-them-all-in-one-basket.html#more


Humor Rating: 4

From Avoid This Job

False Advertising.

Not in the news industry, though.

Humor Rating: 2

Possibly The Worst Slogan Ever.

They're mavericks in the restaurant industry!

Humor Rating: 2


From http://www.unnecessaryquotes.com/

Amazon Search Suggestions.

Books › "jess and the runaway grandpa"

Did you mean: jesus and the runaway grandpa?

Well, no, I didn't mean that, Amazon, but does that exist? Because that sounds like an AWESOME book.

Humor Level: 1

Specialized Exercise Equipment

There is a new product out there for toning arms and shoulders. It's called the Shake-Weight! All you do is hold this barbell shaped weight with both hands and shake it back and forth for 6 minutes a day! It will keep your upper arms nice and strong, and give you a good grip, as well as training your hands to move up and down briskly.

Someone was severely in need of some 'shake-weighting', as it were, when he designed this product.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SukhjDsgeF4


Humor rating: 2

Facebooks That Should Probably Be Private.

This is what Privacy Settings are for, real-life Bond girl...

British spy chief's cover blown on Facebook

But I really wanted to tag him!


Humor Rating: 2

A concerned husband.

Today, I finally told my parents I would be changing bedrooms because I could no longer stand hearing them having sex, which is awkward and disturbing. Later, my dad came and asked me quietly if I thought my mom sounded "satisfied." FML

Humor Rating: 3

From fmylife.com

Jaded New Yorkers.

Two men get into a fight in the lobby of an apartment building. The doorman tries kind of half-heartedly to calm them, then, when he can't, he makes a phone call, then resumes his work. People entering the building step around the fight like it's just another homeless person. Only in New York.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vjeMdR5Glv4

Humor Rating: 2

Premature Obituaries.

News sources write up templated draft obituaries for celebrities, in case of their sudden demise. Back in 2003, cnn.com accidentally released a bunch of them, and many had not been changed from their templates. My favorite is Dick Cheney's:

The draft obituary, which had been based on the Queen Mother's, described Cheney as 'Queen Consort' and the 'UK's favorite grandmother'.

Humor Rating: 3

Awkward Phone Calls.

(+44): why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??

I wouldn't call hir back if I were you...

Humor Rating: 3


from Texts From Last Night

Confusion.

toryfrank: LMAO! I can’t even fit a banana in my mouth, let alone a watermelon!

Ummmm....?

Humor Rating: 4

from You Actually Said That Online

People Wasting Wishes.

CliffingtonFalls: if god came down and said to me “i will grant you one wish” my wish would be that i could rate this video a 6

Really? That's what you would use your wish for?

Humor Rating: 2

Michael Jackson's Death Becoming a Very Serious Issue.

In Miami, a fight broke out on a bus that included one man chasing another with a knife. The reason? One man, upon reading of Michael Jackson's death via text message, said, "The world just lost a great musical talent." Apparently knifing is the way to deal with differences of opinion in the city where the heat is on.

MIAMI (Reuters) - A fight broke out on a Florida bus when news of Michael Jackson's death sparked debate over whether he should be remembered as a great musical talent, and one passenger was charged with assault, police said on Friday.

The bus was moving through the city of North Lauderdale on Thursday when passenger James Kiernan received a text message about Jackson's death on his cell phone, and he read it aloud on the bus, the Broward County Sheriff's Department said.

The unidentified bus driver opined that "Michael Jackson should have been in jail long ago," prompting Kiernan, 60, to retort that "the world just lost a great musical talent," the police report said.

It said the last remark enraged another passenger, Henry Wideman, who started a swearing match with Kiernan, then pulled out a knife and chased Kiernan down the aisle with it.

The driver called his dispatcher and pulled over near a convenience store to wait for sheriff's deputies, who arrested Wideman, 54. He remained in jail on Friday on a charge of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon.

Humor Rating: 2

Mockery of Unpaid Internships.

Sad, but true: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.com/2008/07/20/104-unpaid-internships/

Some highlights:
- "In most of the world when a person works long hours without pay, it is referred to as “slavery” or “forced labor.” For white people this process is referred to as an internship."
- "In fact, the only way to get the white person to choose the plumbing option would be to convince them that it was leading towards an end-of-summer pipe art installation."
- "If all goes according to plan, an internship will end with an offer of a job that pays $24,000 per year and will consist entirely of the same tasks they were recently doing for free."

Humor Rating: 3

Ridiculous Look-Alikes

"Harriet Tubman Totally Looks Like ET"



Hahahahahahha it's true!!

Humor Level: 4


http://totallylookslike.com/2009/06/03/harriet-tubman-totally-looks-like-e-t/

Learning from TV.

Fact.


Humor Level: 2

Michael Bay Kind Of Disgracing His Wesleyan Education.

Apparently, Michael Bay is not happy with the marketing campaign for Transformers 2. I know I'm more of a grammarian than most, but he must have been VERY angry when he wrote this email to the heads of Paramount. So angry that his mind didn't have the capacity left to distinguish between "could've" and "could of."

Some other very angry remarks:
"I have been waiting, and waiting for the 'anticipation' of an 'event movie' to make it to the 'public zeitgeist.'"

"I'm sorry but I've never been one to rely on focus groups, you can feel in your gut the presence of a big movie coming."

"We were not on the cover in the form of a name."

"On the foreign front, from the terrible amateur cut down trailer I received which had a 23 frame flash cut of Megatron, if someone would of given me just one call, I could of told them the whole point of the trailer was the reintroducton of Megatron."


Full email here:
http://www.aolcdn.com/tmz_documents/0619_michael_bay_tmz_wm.pdf

Humor Rating: 2

A New Singer.

From a facebook quiz:

Danielle took the What's the theme song of your life? quiz and got the result: "Lovestoned" by Justin Timberland.


Justin Timberland? Is he new? Maybe it's a band that's a combination of Justin Timberlake and Timbaland!! Awesome!!

Humor Rating: 2

forgetting cliches.

Nick: you know what happens when you assume.
Danielle: what happens, nick?
Nick: um... I forget the second line... You make an ass out of yourself!


Humor Level: 3

Username Fail.

SnowLeopard: Hey gamerz, you gaytoolls have no life u jst sit online drooling gross and playing ur games and getting fat eating cheetos shitting yourselfs its pathetic get a life and a girlfriend and ssex like the the rest of us 4 reel lmao
Nutbag: ummm. u just created a username at 4 AM to come on to a World of Warcraft message brd and talk sh*t & the best name you could think of to do that sh*t talking was SnowLeopard?

Humor Rating: 4

from You Actually Said That Online

Inappropriate Combinations.

Alt-Text: Fun game: find a combination of two items that most freaks out the cashier. Winner: pregnancy test and single coat hanger.


Humor Rating: 5, definitely. The alt-text edges it towards 6, even.


from xkcd

A DVD Switcheroo

A group of 1st and 5th graders in Brooklyn were gathered to watch Camp Rock, but another DVD was already in the machine...

"The kindergartners, first-graders and fifth-graders were exposed to a topless woman and sex acts in the 45 seconds the obscene clip played on the jumbo screen."
Wow, porn moves fast these days. 45 seconds and there were already sex acts, plural?

Also, a comment from ANGRYPS17PARENT on the article: "This is also definitely a "major issue", worth "manpower and resources" Children + this kind of material = pedophile until proven otherwise." Ummm...

http://www.nypost.com/seven/06142009/news/regionalnews/brooklyn/oops__kids_see_sex_ed_174172.htm

Humor Rating: 2

The Hangover.

For reals. See that shit.


Baby with sunglasses = heart
"Haven't you ever seen Rain Man? He almost put a casino out of business, and he was a retard."


Also, Bradley Cooper, I have been in love with you since Alias. xoxoAlso ++ points for the gay chinese man.

Humor Rating: 5. This movie was hilars.

Incorrect Grammar.

Talk about someone wanting it all.

Humor Rating: 3

Poor Copying Ability.

Someone asked for a cake that looked like this:


The bakery delivered a cake that looked like this:


Hahahhahaha. Why would they actually deliver that??? Did they think it looked good? Did the baker say, "One of my master works. I totally nailed that." I especially like the 6-clawed paw coming out of the wildcat's butt.

Humor Rating: 4


--images from cakewrecks

The Imminent Possibility of Zombies.

Found a new site via Thrillist called You Actually Said That Online. It picks out the best/most ridiculous posts from comment boards. This one is my favorite so far:

GoldDude: If you’d dug a proper grave (a minimum of 3 feet deep), then the corpse wouldn’t be disturbed by planting tomatoes.


I kind of want to know the context... but I kind of don't....


Humor Rating: 2

A Craigslist Tutoring Ad.

"Expert tutoring Math,scieneces,Electrical engineering and Computers
I have Masters in Elctrical engineering...
advanced computer tranining...
I do offer 1 hour of trail instruction at no charge...."

I guess you're ok as long as you don't need help with spelling.
Though maybe he's also good at hiking, hence the trail instruction.

Humor Level: 1

My Mother Lacking Tact.

My sister's Sweet 16 is coming up and she is choosing songs to play when she lights candles for important people. She sent me this message today, re: my mother's input.

mom was like "i think you should you 'wish you were here' for the dead people" and i was like "that's awful"

Humor Rating: 4

The Evil Eye Baby

An oldie but a goodie, the evil eye baby still makes me laugh. I like how he keeps doing it and then laughing. :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xBSYD0dQCAw

Humor Rating: 3, because it gets boring after too many repeated viewings...

A Watermelon (?) Cake.

How did they think this was ready to sell?

Humor level: 4

from cakewrecks.com

Food Kiosks Selling...

There is a food kiosk in Paramus Mall that sells corn in a cup. Fact. It is an ice cream sized cup. Filled with corn.

Humor level: 1, because, what?

An '80s Reference Graph.

Humor Rating: 2, because I giggled but now have the song in my head.

A Bungled Police Investigation

This will also always be hilarious.

Humor Rating: 5

A Hilarious Typo

Humor Rating: 5, because it will be amazing no matter how many times I see it.

Bret Michaels Getting Flattened

This reminds me of the giant crusher things in Super Mario. Bret Michaels just lost a life.

http://nymag.com/daily/entertainment/2009/06/watch_brett_michaels_clobbered.html

Humor rating: 5 (I watched it at least 3 times and I don't even have sound on my computer.)